My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
