well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
