You're completely useless in the revolution.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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