Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
