Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
