she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
vagina is talking i cant
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
