I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize