Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
