how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
