You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
