he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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