just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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