I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she told me i tasted like america
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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