After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
