I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
