he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize