I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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