i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
