I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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