so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We left the knife in your bed.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
