While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Alive.
So much puke
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
