I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
