How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
