I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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