Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
