He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
