I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
