just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
