So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
