youre lurking in front of me
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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