I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
