Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
