did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
