Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
