I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
