he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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