If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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