Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
