Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
