dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
