I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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