Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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