today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
