you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
