I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
