I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
