woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
