@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
