that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
