After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
