Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
