she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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