I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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