u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize