Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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