Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
