Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
