No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
