this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
ttyl tear gas
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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