I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
