And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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