dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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