Will you blow on my dice?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Randomize
