Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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