yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
