dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
