Rock
Scissors
Fuck
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
