haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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