pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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