I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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