she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
