So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
