Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
