Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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