fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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