FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
even my farts smell like vagina
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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