i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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